you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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