He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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