How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have already put on my inside pants.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I love you. Go after that dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
