what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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