After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
