there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
