i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
