Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
