don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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