i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
