i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
