glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Enjoy the penises
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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