Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
a search helicopter?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
