took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
