I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
