but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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