I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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