Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize