just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
