my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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