You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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