You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
