I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
