No stitches, just platelets and will power
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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