I can tuck mytits in my pants
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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