saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
