dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
