I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
