My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
