you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
