Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
