My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
