my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
