I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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