If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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