he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
