If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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