hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
