I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
