He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
