Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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