Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize