My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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