This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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