This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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