Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
