There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
