hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
