there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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