i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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