Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
