Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
