my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
