She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
