Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
