and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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