just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
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Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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