The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Actions speak louder than pants.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
