I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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