You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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