Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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